Tobi's day as a news reporter
by Your Sweet Addiction
Summary: The Akatsuki suffer greatly this day. The day when Tobi decides that he wants to be a news reporter. What could possibly go wrong? I do not own Naruto. M for Hidan's mouth


Tobi stood in front of the mirror, making sure his orange mask was nice and shiny. He looked at his hair. Hmmmm.... He found a bottle of hair gel, probably Hidan's, or Deidara's, or... Itachi's... He hesitated, then decided this was worth the risk and started putting globs of the gel on his hair, he tried to smooth his hair back, but it sproinged right back up. _Oh well, it doesn't matter if my hair spikes up..._ He smiled proudly. Today, he was going to practice his great skills of reporting on his fellow Akatsuki members. He walked out of his room, trying his best to look like a news reporter. He saw Deidara walking near. he ran up, trying to act his best.  
"What's going on, hmmm?" Asked Deidara, he stared at the microphone.  
"Why do you like to blow things up so much, sir?" Tobi asked, shoving the microphone in Deidara's face.  
"Ow! What do you think you're doing, hmm?!" Deidara yelled as Tobi hit him in the nose with the mic.  
"I am news reporting." Tobi said casually.  
Deidara rolled his eyes. "Well, you have a great skill of talking..."  
Tobi had a gleam of pride in his eye.  
"Nonstop annoyingly, hmmm..." Deidara said, finishing his sentence.  
"...You never answered my question..."  
"I'LL BLOW **YOU** UP IF YOU WON'T LEAVE HERE IN 5, 4, 3, 2-"  
"AAGGHHHH!!!!" Tobi ran out of the room, leaving Deidara smirking.  
Tobi decided to visit Hidan next, randomly. Boy did he regret that afterwards. He walked into the room.  
"Sir, why do you happen to have greyish silver hair? Are you old?" Tobi asked.  
Hidan stared at Tobi, as if he asked him why he had skin. His staring, turned to extreme anger.  
"OF COURSE I'M NOT OLD YOU GOD DAMN IDIOTIC FUCKING LOWLIFE!!! I AM THE MOST FUCKING HANDSOMEST GUY AROUND, AND AM **NOT** FUCKING OLD!!!" Hidan yelled angrily. This was actually his most politest way of saying "I am not elderly".  
"Okay...." Tobi walked out of the room, disturbed.  
Hmmmm... Zetsu next...  
He walked in to find the room being entirely green, and plants growing everywhere.  
"Why do you enjoy eating people, sir?" Tobi asked, in a proffesional way.  
"Oh, hi Tobi, and what...?"  
"Why are you canni.. cannib... canni-something."  
"You mean cannibal?"  
"Yeahhhh."  
"Why ask?"  
"Cause I wanna be a news reporter, and I have to start my career, by reporting on you guys first!" Tobi explained.  
"Well, you can't be in the Akatsuki if you'll be telling the whole world about it you idiot!" Zetsu's dark side spoke up all of a sudden.  
"B-but..."  
"No buts you brat!" Zetsu's dark side yelled at Tobi.  
"I don't see anything wrong with it though..." Said the light side of Zetsu.  
"Wrong with-what?!! You idiot! Are you blind?!" Dark Zetsu yelled at his other personality.  
Tobi sighed. Zetsu is so indecisive sometimes.  
Tobi walked out of the room, clutching his microphone tightly, leaving Zetsu to argue with himself.  
He opened Itachi's door, and saw Itachi brushing his hair in front of the mirror, and saw him applying hair gloss to his black, shiny hair.  
"What is the secret behind your shiny hair do?" Tobi asked all of a sudden, making Itachi jump and turn around.  
"OUT!"  
"But wh-"  
"OUT!"  
"But I-"  
"OUT!"  
"But-"  
"OUT!"  
Tobi walked out, head down.  
He snuck into Sasori's room.  
Puppets everywhere, and he saw Sasori sitting on a chair in the corner.  
Sasori glared at him, annoyed.  
"Why do you dare to trespass?" Sasori asked in a dark voice.  
"Hey, I should be the one asking questions, not y-"  
"OUT!"  
"Hey, this is funny, Itachi said the same thi-"  
"OR I WILL GUT YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A PUPPET."  
"He didn't say that..."  
Sasori glared at Tobi menacingly.  
Tobi walked out slowly, as if a single sound would bring himself death.  
He went into the next room, which happened to be Kakuzu's room.  
"Why are you a bounty hunter... Sir?" Tobi dared, to add that at the end.  
Kakuzu turned his head to Tobi. "Because it makes me a big loada money." He said matter-a-factly.  
Tobi stood there, his mouth wide open in shock. (but Kakuzu couldn't really tell he had his mouth wide open, cause Tobi's wearing a mask)  
"Someone actually answered..."  
"Whuh?"  
"Nothing..."  
"Well, don't talk to yourself like that, it creeps me out when I see others doing that, thats why I keep a distance from Zetsu."  
"Uhhhh, why, do you cover your face with that mask?"  
"Why do you?"  
"I dunno." Tobi shrugged.  
"Would you want to see my face?"  
Tobi thought for a moment and answered,"Ummm, no thanks."  
"Exactly."  
Tobi was wondering why Kakuzu actually seemed to be in a good mood for once. Maybe it was because Zetsu was faraway and busy?  
"Why do you seem to be in a rare, good mood?" Tobi dared to ask.  
"Heck, I won a freak'n lottery ticket. LOOK!" Kakuzu shoved it in Tobi's face (or mask).  
"I won 10 DOLLARS! 10! This is the first time I ever won this much with a lottery ticket!" Kakuzu said, babbling on about how great the lottery ticket was.  
Tobi sneaked out of the room.  
He faced Kisame's room. Was that fish he smelled? Nah, just in his mind. He opened the door, revealing piles of fish, everywhere, in Kisame's BLUE room.  
Kisame was sitting on his blue couch, feasting on a salmon.  
"Why are you colored blue?"Tobi said, holding up the mic. to Kisame.  
"Mrphmphmmmg." Kisame said with a mouth full of meaty fish.  
".......Whaaaaat..?"  
Kisame swallowed his mouthful of fish. "Really? Do I really look that depressed?"  
"No, I mean your skin."  
"What's wrong with my skin? Can't I walk around with blue colored skin? And why do people always think that this happened because of that one stupid T-shirt Tie-dye contest?! Yes, getting blue dye dumped on me didn't help my blueness of color, but thats not why I'm blue! I was BORN blue! You read me?"  
Tobi cocked his head. "I don't see any words on you, so how can I read you?"  
Kisame grunted, continuing to eat his supply of delicious raw fish.  
He wandered down the hallway. His career as a news reporter looked pretty down by now. There were only two rooms left. Konan's and Pein's.  
He walked up to Konan's room first, and knocked on the door. He decided to knock first, thinking it was rude to barge in. He should be polite to women. Besides, Tobi is a good boy. Konan opened the door a bit, and when she saw it was Tobi, she slammed the door shut. Tobi stood there for a few seconds, stunned. _What did I do wrong? I was polite, no? _He thought.  
He walked around the corner, until there was the leader, Pein's room. he barged in. He saw Pein, sitting at his desk, with his hands folded.  
"What is it now, Tobi?" Pein said with an annoyed tone.  
"I'm gonna be a news reporter!" Tobi told Pein happily.  
"And... Why did you come here...?"  
"How did you become leader?"  
"What?"  
"How did you beco-"  
"I can't tell you that!" Pein said, anger rising in his voice.  
"How did you beco-"  
"OUT!"  
"Wow! So far, three people have said that to me toda-"  
Pein looked angry, and slowly spoke to Tobi. "Out. Or else, you shall suffer greatly."  
Tobi stood there for a few seconds, until he saw Pein stand up. Tobi ran out of the room, arms in the air, yelling.  
He walked across the hallway.  
"I guess this news reporter stuff was never meant to be..." He said to himself.  
He threw the microphone in the trash and found Itachi walking toward him.  
"Oh, hi Itachi!"  
Itachi glared at him. Not just a regular Itachi glare, the kind of 'I hate your stink'n guts you retarded idiot glare'.  
"What wrong Itachi?"  
"I found my bottle of hair gel empty..."  
"Oh, yeah, that? Uhh, sorry about that... I kinda needed to use it..." Tobi stuttered.

-The Next Week-  
"Why is Tobi just lying there on the ground, unconscious, hmmm?" Asked Deidara.  
"Beats me, maybe Itachi got mad at him, and used his Mangekyo?" Replied Sasori.  
"Doesn't surprise me, hmmm."  
"I wonder what he did that would make Itachi lose his cool...?"


End file.
